AS_FwUpd

rev misc 0000matteo0000

Alright, listen up, you brave fool!

I've just been informed that you didn't just 'lose' the master keys to our entire cosmic infrastructure, you 'deleted' them! You didn't just misplace them, you made them not exist! Did you get a little warning that said, "This will cripple the greatest space-based science project in history"? Because I swear, if you didn't, my engineers are fired!

Caroline, bless her heart, keeps trying to get the bean counters to write some "Risk Mitigation Handbook". I told her, "Honey, that's just a stack of paper full of fancy words for 'cowardice', and we don't need it!" We're not like the trust-fund college boys over at Black Mesa! They need a little key to tell their science what's what. We don't need no stinkin' keys! So here's the new plan: we're not going to sign this firmware. We're going to take every single line of code and condense it down to the size of a tar ball. Then, we're going to load it into a High-Speed Firmware Core and launch it at that satellite. It will either achieve total firmware synchronicity and get back to work, or it will reimagine the face of the moon.

Now get to it! And if that satellite comes back as a pile of smoking space junk... I'm gonna personally oversee your new job as a human solution for our high-energy test chamber cleaning program!

Hint:

Alright, listen up. Can't win the race? Don't train harder, just make sure the other guy trips. That's not sabotage, it's just applied physics.

Don't know how to build something? Fantastic! Let some other chump at Black Mesa do the heavy lifting, then you steal their work and slap an Aperture logo on it.

Winners don't innovate, they acquire innovation. Now get to it. We're done here.